Journal, October 9, 1976 PM

Remember Morena Rodriguez? In the early pages of this journal her name appears frequently, although the time when I felt most intensely about her had already passed when I began the diary. I visited her house today for the first time in maybe 10 months, and perhaps the last time ever. She was there along with her 2 brothers, her sister and her mother.

It was a nice cordial visit. They even offered me coffee and a roll. I had come on the pretext of leaving a couple pictures for Morena’s grandparents, Torribio and Julia Varela.

We talked about many things, from ISTA to insect collections, to marijuana. Morena was both interested in what I had to say and animated. It was like those first raps we had in San Isidro so long ago, and on the phone from Metalio. We should, I should, never have tried to push beyond that level. We can enjoy each other on that level. I guess I just needed and wanted so much more . . .

Anyway, it was pleasant and at the same time reassuring. There are some things about Morena I just couldn’t handle, like her overt materialism & persistent belief that North Americans are rich. She’s got a selfcenteredness that can be inflexible & self-righteous to the point of offending. Her intelligence and sincere, enthusiastic interest in a wide variety of subjects makes her interesting to converse with, but if you try to get closer than arm’s length, you break into “her world” where people as well as things must be up to her stringent standards! I couldn’t even eat shrimp with knife and fork (no fingers)!

Morena slyly asked if I’d been to Costa Rica lately, but it was her mother who made all the right assumptions, and just started asking me questions about my “novia {girlfriend}” in Costa Rica. Morena seemed to ignore all references to such person!

So I left off the pictures and more or less promised to write. You can’t get away from anyone without denying the finality of it, can you? Morena, in addition to the aforementioned, is into living in the past. Remember when we went to Chele’s she said. It was last year October 19th, her birthday. Shit, at the time she didn’t seem to enjoy it at all. It rained & I got lost on the way out there. We finally took a cab. She talked about when she came to Chele’s before with her university class friends. I ate with my fingers. She didn’t want to pose for a picture with me, etc. No wonder I was so upset, constantly, when I was attempting to be her boyfriend!

Nice girl Morena, nice family, etc., but she has to get her trip straightened out before there will be room for a man in it. I’m glad I went to Costa Rica last December! I’m persistent enough and foolish enough that I might still have been pursuing her other wise.

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