7.24.2017

Journal, July 13, 1977 PM

<Monday night Sofia’s period began.> Two months running we have won at Russian roulette! I felt great relief. <Sofia admitted she really hadn’t wanted to become a mother so young.>

We are in for another month of the game though - at least one more. <Sofia visits the gynecologist at Hospital México the 24th, and if he OK’s it she’ll try another type of contraceptive pill.> ‘Til then we’ll be relying on the workmanship of Arkwell Industries to keep those sperm from their goal! I hope to reinforce Arkwell with contraceptive foam if I can buy it reasonably here.

My almost 3 years in Peace Corps have been excellent training in anxiety tolerance, but even so birth control with condoms is a whole new test of nerves.

An old theme again drew sparks last night. <Sofia still resents the fact that I was Jaime’s {Olson} best man in spite of her fight with Pilar {Campos Gonzalez, later Olson} & Marita {Pilar’s mother}.> I still believe that I did no wrong in keeping a promise to Jaime which I couldn’t see breaking at the last minute because of something I didn’t know much about, much less understand. I assumed it was a personality conflict.

<Sofia is definitely a grudge holder, perhaps more so than anyone I’ve known well.> To her, a social slight or personal insult is sufficient reason to hate a person perpetually. It’s a bit frightening. When she spoke frankly, she said she felt I had walked all over her dignity by participating in the wedding, and causing her to go to it. She said at times she thinks she’s capable of seeking revenge, given a proper opportunity. My mind wandered & wondered. I found no guilt in me and speculated: How often can we return to this same difference of perspectives . . . with no possibility of resolving it?

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