1.24.2016

Journal, March 7, 1976 AM

As the world turns, things keep on changing. Day before yesterday Jay told me he thought Profy Gomez had quit as head of El Maizal. Yesterday at 1 PM the new boss came out with {Professor} Flores & the "motorista {driver}" to discuss our roles (Jay’s and mine) in El Maizal - under new management. Now I’m officially (instead of unofficially) going to be working with rabbits, goats & other livestock. So it goes!

If you have read any Kurt Vonnegut you’ll know where I borrowed that last expression from. I’m on "Slaughter House Five" now after reading "Breakfast of Champions" in Costa Rica and "Mother Night" yesterday. "Breakfast of Champions" was good and "Mother Night" was really excellent.

We are what we pretend to be! He gives the reader a message not unlike that of Solzhenitsyn - we have to cultivate & develop our souls to be decent human beings, not hide them behind masks for convenience - because the masks are part of us too!

Evil is man’s desire to hate intensely & with God on his side! I think there are other evils, systematically perpetrated by corporations or bureaucracy with no feeling attached other than expediency or interest in profit making. However, man’s need to have a scapegoat - someone to blame & hate when things seem all fucked up - is certainly the root of great evils as well (as Vonnegut lucidly demonstrates in "Mother Night"). Nationalism running wild, super patriotism is certainly one of mankind’s most fearsome obstacles to peace and survival.

I also watched the Sun go down yesterday with Jan. She & I think so much alike on politics, on where the world’s headed, on controlling technology, that it’s mind boggling sometimes. Like we were twin software hookups for the same brain. But we have our divergences.

<Sofia is the main one right now.> Jan still thinks I’m making a mistake, though she only cautions me to take it slow & be sure. <She strongly dislikes the very loving, special treatment Sofia gives me, & corresponding special attention I give her.> I think she finds it artificial - is convinced it must be. On my part it’s not. <I feel Sofia is accepting me freely and uncritically as her lover, her man, and I respond in kind.> I’m willing to take her for her lovingness, her "cariƱo {affection}", whether she educates herself & gets a career going, or just concentrates on home & family. As Vonnegut wrote ("Mother Night" again): We all have need of uncritical love ... make love when you can, it’s good for you!

<Jan suggested yesterday that maybe she’s even a little jealous of all the attention Sofia gets from me.> The same thought had crossed my mind. Jan & I are more than siblings, we’re friends, and she demands attention from me, & I from her. She especially needs some brotherly love right now ‘cause she’s bummed out "de nuevo {again}" with men, is caught in a dilemma about her work, and is troubled by the image of her child in an inadequate (or totally fucked!) home. God, I love Jan. She would be a saint if she could give up men, but she loves them too much to, & the children. And she’s nobody’s fool!

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