Journal, July 8, 1976 AM

Life continues. I feel an emotional “down” this morning. <No reason, just that I can only be here a week, and only see Sofia in the evenings, and there is no security that our situation isn’t going to get tougher after November.> If only I could count on a job in Peace Corps here or another short term job.

Jaime appears to have an excellent opportunity to be the training director for the El Salvador pastures and forages group to be trained in Neil Dingot’s center at La Guacima starting in January. The job could hardly fit his needs better. It pays well and lasts until March, so it will get him through the winter. And Neil said it is almost a sure thing. Jaime deserves the break. He’s been hanging around San Antonio, talking with Neil, Skip and those people every time he’s been down here in the last two years. He’s got the field experience in rural El Salvador, too.

I need to make myself a couple breaks! But how & what kind? My own ambivalence about throwing myself on the job market here is my biggest obstacle. I’ve decided that if the Peace Corps job doesn’t come through, I’ll take the semester of school, and try to cram in as much physics and math as I can handle. Maybe I could get a job as a tour guide come next summer, or drive someone’s car down here. God, but I’m a creature who loves security and none seems to be offering itself. <And it’s so hard for Sofia because she’s going to see even less of me, and even more than I, she needs the security of having her lover near her.> It’s going to be that way though, unless Peace Corps comes through. Asi es la vida de los pobres! {That’s the way the life of the poor is!}

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