Journal, July 10, 1976 AM

Sometimes I can get so disgusted with Jaime {Olson}. He’s more of a gossip and matchmaker than any maiden aunt I might have had! <Last night we were at the Jardín Cervecero {a local bar} and he started in asking Sofia, “And what are you two going to do since Dean’s not coming back ‘til November?”> He knew exactly what her answer had to be since I had told him she was planning a trip to El Salvador. That gave him his opening to start talking about “La Mar”, a swank San Salvador restaurant where he & Pilar made their engagement official. <I had thought of taking Sofia there since it’s a nice place, etc., but there’s no way now. After the way Jaime dear went on about drinking Champaign there and how something might happen if we went there (heh, heh - shit!), there is no way in hell you’ll get me in that place with Sofia & her mother.> They’d be expecting me to go down on one knee as soon as we entered the joint! I’ll choose my own spots, thanks Jaime.

<Since I couldn’t crawl under my chair while Jaime was going on & on, I started making random wise cracks, and I think one or more of them must have pissed off Sofia because she was rather cool the rest of the evening.> I made some other comments, about how weddings were for the women, and how they went and made it so hard to get married in the church here when I didn’t want to get married in the first place. Surely these didn’t do much to earn me her favor either! I just can’t take all this earnest, dreamy wedding talk seriously. My God, are we supposed to go through a ceremony, which society stipulates to be able to live together, because we want to be together, or are we agreeing to try to get along for a lifetime so we can go through this ceremony which will fulfill her childhood dreams? <Sofia and Pilar have been brainwashed with too many romantic tales, but Jaime aught to know better.>

I took Orlando {Castillo Murillo} with me to Ojo de Agua yesterday morning. It was cold & rained some, but I got a good workout. Orlando is scared of the water, and though I tried to teach him a little about swimming he mostly stood around in the water & shivered. Poor kid, he’s so skinny!

I took a siesta in the afternoon - lazy life & boring. When I couldn’t take the inactivity anymore, I started reading Sartre. His discounting of Descartes’ second proof of the existence of God was fascinating, as has been the whole work so far, when it doesn’t get too involved in semantics for me to see the point of the arguments! How did Descartes get away with concluding the existence of the perfect being just because human consciousness seeks perfection? Anyway, philosophers don’t dare talk so blithely about a perfect or ultimate being today. We all know too much about the world and that surging, writhing mass of humanity which inhabits it to accept a philosophical proof of the existence of the perfect. We can’t even agree on what might constitute perfection. No one value system is universally recognized as legitimate!

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