Journal, January 7, 1976 AM

I spent most of yesterday chasing around on errands and never did get out to Metalío. <After finally writing in this journal, I scribbled off a semi-incoherent letter to Sofia saying I missed her and loved her, and I hoped she’d get into studying at the University, and about our bad luck with the bus.> I’ll try to write a more coherent letter one of these nights when my mind’s right.

Went to Peace Corps office and picked up a bundle of letters from the States. Got a birthday card from the folks with letters from Mom, Donna & Carla enclosed. Carla’s really changing, she’s going through puberty & becoming a woman – won’t know her when I get back! She sent a photo & just wrote to say there wasn’t much to write about, but you could see she was starting to recognize herself as an individual and an adult. Donna has matured a good deal – has a house with 3 friends, and is thinking about studies and career (hospital dietetics). It’s very encouraging since I’ve always worried about her finding her own way, and recognizing her own worth. Mom wrote her customary calendar of daily events, & sent a picture of Dad from the Friendship Reporter {the local newspaper}.

Jan wrote a good letter saying she still hopes to make it down in February if she gets some money together. She gave a quick rundown of what the other siblings are into and their mental states. I really value that because it’s the next closest thing to being able to be there and analyze the situation myself. Jan & I have always had a lot of thoughts and attitudes in common.

Jay Mathes sent a letter in answer to my Christmas card, wishing me love and assuring me he wishes he was where I am. <I’ll have to write him about Sofia, & let him know how appropriate his letter sounded at the time I read it!> Jay’s convinced he’s living an illusionary life, & is looking for the real thing. It’s an easy attitude to develop in college, Jan has often expressed it, and I recall feeling it too in school. You are in a temporary, transitory state, and long for the permanent "real" state. He may still end up back down here in Peace Corps – but that’s a very temporary state too. I’m afraid it won’t satisfy him either – it hasn’t satisfied me.

I went to eat with Stan Krenz and Jaime. Stan’s a sociology grad. too, and yesterday hit us with some of the same things I’ve said to myself. He says sociology is fascinating to study, but no field to get a job in, & that he’ll probably go back to school to change his field (but not as drastically as I plan to). Stan says he just can’t imagine having a woman he could care about enough to forget all others, & be willing to settle down with – marriage is still for others & not for Stan. Yet it takes little insight to see that Stan, more than most men, needs a good faithful, loving & supportive woman (wife if bureaucracy must be bowed to) to give him the confidence and sense of purpose he lacks in his life.

Jay Hasheider’s back from Peru and the States. He had a good time but apparently found nothing he could permanently get into so he is back with Peace Corps and El Maizal.

Jaime & I stopped by Fred’s to eat supper. He’s teaching English daily now. He likes the money, but hates the work! Same old Fred, living day to day, and more or less happy with all his little problems & triumphs, and no big ones.

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