2.28.2015

Journal, January 8, 1976 PM

<I just got through holding my only picture of Sofia and my only of Morena up to the light bulb here in the beach house.> I don’t know what that was supposed to help me decide, but it is clear that my feelings about the two of hem have developed very differently. I made he move, all the moves really, to try to get to know Morena after meeting her by chance twice in San Isidro, and while she’s always been very nice, she has a coyness and self assurance about her that is very sensual. She made me just want to take her to bed and show her what all you can do with a man besides talk! I doubt she realizes how strongly I felt about her at one time, though some of the looks she’d give me made me wonder - I could never say anything even vaguely sexually suggestive to her, just too afraid the truth would slip out I suppose.

<With Sofia, I was always cast in the role of the counterpuncher (my usual role in life, as a generality).> She wrote me, I wrote back, she invited me to a party the night we arrived, I decided to hang around San Antonio and get to know her better, she said she was in love with me, and I was caught flatfooted and flabbergasted! But it’s all been so direct and honest with her - I told her about Morena, I told her that I was amazed at her certainty that I was the dude she wanted, mentioning her youth and inexperience. Actually it happened too fast for me to be anything but honest and open, even if I’d wanted to.

So now I will just be friends with Morena - maybe she’s never wanted more. <It will be tough, because she just strikes me as a sensual person, but I won’t let myself go beyond that as long as I’m committed to Sofia.> I’m just too sensitive a person to get into "love triangles", it would fuck up my mind too much. <Maybe that’s part of what attracts me to Sofia, she’s so afraid of being hurt too!>

As you can tell by the Peyton Place style beginning of tonight’s entry, nothing exciting happened today! Jay didn’t even show up. I made rabbit feeders from hollow bricks, put a "hutch" on one cage and helped wean and move around a bunch of the El Maizal rabbits. One of their goats had twins today, shooting down the cook’s theory that Tío {Uncle} Sam {the billy goat} could only father one kid per freshening {pregnancy} because he only had one testicle! I’ll have to go talk with her tomorrow & see what new theory she comes up with.

The guy who takes care of the rabbits and goats wanted to know today what ever became of Morena. <I gave him the whole story and showed him Sofia’s picture.> He said she was “muy bonita” {very pretty}, but wanted to see one of Morena for comparative purposes! <I had always been careful in explaining to the El Maizal folks, that Morena was an “amiga” {friend} and not a "novia" {girlfriend} so he wanted to know what status I put on Sofia.> I assured him she was a "novia"!

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