Card, January 18, 1976

{ Translation of cover and inside of card. }

Happy Birthday!
You’ll think I’m sending
you this card so as not to
buy you a gift …
… Aha! You are increasing
not only in years but
also in intelligence!

Hi Jan,

I just got a’hold of your letter of January 6 and hadn’t gotten around to sending a birthday card yet (sorry!) so you’re getting it all in one chunk! I’ve officially decided not to recognize birthdays (mine) after this year, so please remember never to send me another card. 24 years is a great plenty! My only condolence is that no matter what age I arrive at, 12 days later you go a year up on me. Thanks for being around to make me feel younger!

Dean

Journal, January 18, 1976 AM

Steve {Pamperin} gave me some Wisconsin cheese and some homemade caramels to take to the folks at El Maizal. They all liked the caramels, but Don Tin and Profy {Gomez}, who tried the cheese, weren’t overly enthusiastic. Profy wanted to know why it wasn’t white, and (not knowing) I turned the question around and asked him why cheese here was white when I had been used to yellow cheese back home.

I read the entire N.Y. Times Weekly Review yesterday, mostly on the bus from the capital to Metalío and later at the rancho {beach house}. Jay and I spent the afternoon reading at the rancho - he’s really getting into "Fear and Loathing: On the Campaign Trail ‘72" {by Hunter S. Thompson}.

About five Profy showed up looking for the doctor (owner of the rancho) and we talked a while about the marketing work they’re doing at El Maizal; he’s wheeling & dealing as always. He got in the pickup and I went upstairs to see if Jay wanted to go eat, and here comes 2 carloads of women and kids to take over the house for the night (the doctor’s daughter & friends).

Jay decided he was off for Sonsonate and I decided to sleep at El Maizal, so we packed up and mounted our bikes. Later we met Profy at Don Tin’s and agreed to help him take water to the folks at the rancho. We listened to Jay’s banjo pickin’ while the pilas {sinks} were fillin’ up. Only Profy & I enjoyed it, seemingly. Profy took Jay to Sonsonate, and here I am, writing in my tijera {cot} at El Maizal.

Journal, January 17, 1976 AM

I came in to the capital yesterday, to take my feces sample (after 3 weeks of pills for amoebas) and run some errands. <Jan, Donna and the folks sent me letters, but nothing from Sofia yet.> Jan says she is coming down in February with La Verne Holmes and his wife, if all works out. I’ll have to write her all I’ve heard about the trip, what to watch out for, etc. Donna has a boyfriend! I haven’t gotten fully used to the idea, since she never had one in highschool or anything, but I think it’s good. God how she’s matured mentally since I’ve been gone!

Mom sent pictures from Christmas, and some of mine I asked for copies of (and one I didn’t!) I love to get pictures! They really give you a feel of the life somewhere where you aren’t! Mom also said my package got there at last (on my birthday if you can believe it!) and everything arrived in good shape. She asked me some questions about stuff in it. It took nearly 2 months to get there!

I changed over ¢200 to bucks, so now I have nearly $200 stashed for going to Costa Rica in February. I’ll go with Jaime if Jan don’t make it, and try to talk her & La Verne into going if she comes. Workin’ it all out will be hectic, but there’s some real potential for a great trip!

I spent the night at Steve Pamperin’s apartment in Santa Tecla (and am writing in the tijera {cot} in his room this morning). He just returned from spending Christmas in Wisconsin and brought back cheese, banana bread (with chocolate chips) and homemade caramels! I sampled all 3 of course! He also brought me a Timex watch, which is really decent! As I told him, it’ll take some time to get used to having a watch that works again!

Steve actually went snowmobiling just like he said he would! He said he got used to the cold quickly, and gained 12 pounds on the good food. He really got around, saw a Packer game, visited friends, etc., really enjoyed every minute.

Now it’s back to work, I told Steve about my doubts and reservations over the cattle project at El Maizal. He didn’t say a word, but I don’t think he fully understands the situation, or agrees with my analysis. I told him about my plan to study physics too. It confounded him at first, but he kind of understood, and even admitted he’d have liked to have had some physics at the university. It’s getting ever easier to expose my once deep, dark secret. Most folks close to me know now and no big deal.

Ed Shiffer came over & I gave him a picture from El Maizal that my folks sent by mistake. It’s of Jay Mathes and some friends of Ed’s standing by the little haystack we made there. I’ll send the other copy to Jay. Ed gave me some El Maizal pictures to give to folks there too. He hopes he can make it out there again soon. He really enjoyed that jaunt in August; planting maicillo {sorghum}, plowing with oxen, making hay and digging on the silo. He loved the chance to leave his office and do some physical labor.

{some text not transcribed}

Journal, January 15, 1976 PM

Jay really got going, telling stories about his past after we sent up the balloon last night. The balloon went up just beautiful, very high and you could follow it because of the kerosene-soaked cloth which kept burning (keeping the balloon up of course). It was the first hot air balloon I ever saw go up - I have to try it some time! Anyway, he was telling about all the crazy shit he and his buddies did up in Moscow, Idaho. The most unreal was his sending some speed in an envelope with a letter for the Idaho state motor vehicle department! He had been in an accident & had to send in a statement, so his girlfriend mailed it in an envelope in which he had been storing some speed and still had 2 or 3 tablets! He left for Peace Corps about then so doesn’t know if he’s wanted in Idaho or not. His stories kept Barry and I in stitches ‘till about midnight. As he says, he was lucky to get out of that situation when he did ‘cause he was pretty close to becoming a really bad character. He could have stumbled into serious trouble.

Well, today Barry left, and Jay went to Sonsonate to see him off, and I went to El Maizal. We shot up the young rabbits today. 4 have already died, some kind of virus I think. Profy {Gomez} finally paid me for the plastic for the silo we made last fall. ¢45 extra makes it look like I’ll for sure be heading to Costa Rica in February. I just can’t wait! {some text not transcribed}

Jay got back late, bringing watermelon & muskmelon seeds to plant here at the rancho {beach house}. He’s hitting the sack early & I think that’s a fair idea.

Journal, January 14, 1976 PM

Barry’s still here, but things are quieter right now than last night. Jay’s getting a little paper hot air balloon ready to send off tonight. I’ve never seen him launch one before, so I’m looking forward to it.

It was a slow day today, we did less even than yesterday at El Maizal - still playing with the rabbits. We spent the afternoon on the beach. Jay and I went out neck-high and he caught a couple decent rides on waves. I just got beat around a bit!

Jay and Barry really get off on cutting down Peace Corps staff, and hearing them planning ways to pimp out John, Dave and Chico is a riot. Jay’s talking about living in Guatemala and collecting his salary from Peace Corps El Salvador, and he’s 80% serious.

I read the rest of the pamphlet put out by the U.W. {University of Wisconsin- Madison} Physics Department on the graduate program. The work being done in elementary particle theory seems to be their #1 priority and exciting. It might be the best field to look for a lab job in to start out, see if I like it. I lean toward astrophysics, and mathematical and theoretical physics as a preferred specialization, but I need to get deeper into the field & get a taste of what folks do in each specialty, to decide.

The full weight of what getting married would mean hit me in the hammock reading this afternoon. <Sofia probably wouldn’t be able to study in the States unless & until she mastered the language and started naturalization procedures.> If she keeps her Costarican citizenship, it could be real expensive (and I’d never try to force her to give it up!). Also, she won’t be in any position to work, so I’ll have to take a near full-time job and try to study on the side. I could do it, and if she keeps on being so “cariñosa” {affectionate} I’d love to have her with me, but the idea of postponing the marriage and going whole-hog into studying physics for a spring and summer, still appeals to me. It’d give me a chance to find out if its really what I want, and give her a chance to get through 2 years of college there. Then if she really doesn’t want to attempt college in the U.S. she’s still got 2 years - a good general background. I expect to put it all to her on my next trip, and see what she thinks. As Louie Michelson used to say, "What difference will it make 100 years from now?"

Journal, January 13, 1976 PM

I’m having a tough time getting thoughts together tonight because Barry Goldberg, a PCV {Peace Corps Volunteer} who just terminated, is here in the beach house and he and Jay are rapping away. I just can’t shut it out, and every once in a while they draw me into the conversation.

We finished the rabbit hutches for our expectant mothers today and that’s about all I accomplished. <I tried to call Morena - not there - and wrote a letter to Sofia that didn’t satisfy me.> I wonder if I really could keep the relationship with her going strictly by mail from back in the States for the better part of a year. After learning what real affection is, a year of “cold turkey” could be even more than a Spartan like me can handle. Shit, I’m not tired enough to sleep, may as well chuck this and write another quick letter.

Journal, January 12, 1976 PM

It was fucking cold last night, never would have believed you could have so much temperature change in one day back in Wisconsin. Or maybe we don’t notice it because of the heating and wearing heavy clothes.

We only worked the morning at El Maizal today - taking care of the rabbits and starting to build hutches on the backs of two more cages for the expectant mothers we have. So this afternoon I got my application for U.W. {University of Wisconsin- Madison} filled out and set to mail, and this evening I ripped off 3 letters - two more and I’m through the holiday rush! As Jay commented tonight, that postman in Metalío has got to be starting to wonder about all the letters we send to the U.S. I’ve sent 2 or 3 a day every day since I got back here! Maybe he figures we’re reporting boat traffic in and out of Acajutla for an unfriendly power (like Honduras)!

All those letters burned me out for today, so ...

Letter, January 12, 1976

Hi Donna,

I don’t have your address, so am writing you at home. I appreciate your writing me because I really hear very little about what you’re doin’ from Mom. For example, I knew you were in technical school in the Rapids {meaning Wisconsin Rapids}, but no one told me what you were studying or what kind of a career you were shooting for. When you get to be a dietetic technician you can try to analyze my diet – rice, red or black beans, white cheese, thick cream, a little meat, sometimes plantains or other vegetables, pop or "frescos" made of tamarind seed coating – lots of luck! Seriously, it sounds like you’re doing O.K. Hope you enjoy your on-the-job in Merrill. It should give you a pretty good idea what it will be like day-to-day on the job.

My mind is really ticking away since I got back from Costa Rica! I want to get my job here straightened around and headed in a positive direction. Today I filled out an application for the U.W. {University of Wisconsin – Madison} for next year. (I applied for all year but only figure on going second semester, after I get out of Peace Corps.) And I’m trying to stay out of San Salvador & save money so I can go back to Costa Rica in February! I don’t suppose you can see any logical connection between those 3 things, but I’m working it all up into an elaborate master plan which I expect to spring on the world when I finish working out the fine details!

I took a long ride on my ten-speed bike yesterday. I can really get off on just truckin’ along looking at the countryside & it’s great exercise too. I rode up to a beach called La Barra de Santiago which you have to get to in a little launch {boat} over some marshy backwaters. The ride in is beautiful, but the beach is littered with trash – too popular with the average guy! I can be fussy about where I swim since I have the ocean at my front door, and this beach has only private "ranchos" {beach houses} so it isn’t crowded & is very clean. I love watching the sun go down over the ocean so much that I took 3 pictures of it one night (they are in the roll I just sent home).

I’m reading my first book in Spanish – other than a translation of "Profiles in Courage" that I read some time ago. The title would translate as “One Hundred Years of Solitude” and it’s by a Colombian author. It’s a very entertaining book – which is good because I am always having to look up words in my 2 dictionaries (Spanish-Spanish or Spanish-English) and that can be tedious.

Well, I hope things continue to go well for you, and I’ll be lookin’ you up to say "hi" in another 10 or 11 months when I reach Yankee soil again! Hope I don’t have to wait ‘til then to hear more from you!

Take care,

Dean

Journal, January 11, 1976 PM

I got my exercise for the week this morning by taking the bike down to the Barra de Santiago. It was about 14 kilometers each way. The backwaters which you go through in the launch to get to the beach were pretty - lots of trees - but the beach was full of palm leaf covered huts & cheap dirty tiendas & comedors {stores & restaurants}. There was lots of garbage lying around and already quite a few people on Sunday morning. Obviously it’s a popular beach for the working class Salvadoran - a great place not to be for Semana Santa {Easter week}.

I came back to the rancho {beach house} and lied around all afternoon - read some more of "Cien Años de Soledad" {A Hundred Years of Solitude} - it’s entertaining and great for my Spanish vocabulary & comprehension, but I am ready to finish it and go on to something else.

Jay and I did some B.S.’ing. He thinks he could make it through M.I.T. and then be assured of a $25,000 starting salary. A great idea if a lot of other sharp young capitalists with more solid college records than Jay’s didn’t have the same idea. Jay thinks Americans should learn to accept a high unemployment rate as a natural consequence of our economic system and not look down on the unemployed guy, but give him the money to live on and let him work on crafts or study or whatever interests him. It may happen, but it’s not a life I could take or even accept so easily for the other guy while I was workin’.

Jay told me today that Cat was livin’ with another guy when he went back to the states. He told me before he left he was thinking of asking her to come down and live with him - even get married. It’s the second girl (that is that he’s mentioned) who he fell for too late, only after she was gone and he realized how much he missed her. Jay just can’t make up his mind in time. I worry ‘cause I’m a hem’er & a haw’er too. <If Sofia’s as good for me as it seems, better to jump right into it and not let her slip away while I’m thinkin’ it over!> Things may be tough at the start, but what the hell, they seldom turn out as bad as I can imagine them!

Journal, January 11, 1976 AM

How time does go by, it’s been a week now since I left Costa Rica. {some text not transcribed}

I got in a little dancing yesterday. There was an afternoon (Saturday) dance at El Maizal and Elena showed up, so I did some dancing with her. I told her I had a "novia" {girlfriend} in Costa Rica now and she just smiled - I don’t know if she took it as serious or no. I’m so honest with women I don’t even believe it! Yet, it’s a whole lot simpler and avoids all kinds of hassles - I just can’t take being hassled.

I told Professor Castillo how I thought the cattle project could be a big mistake for El Maizal and he agreed completely (and so readily it surprised me). That’s good for moral support, but to get it called off I’ll have to convince Fredy Saguerro, Profy Gomez and maybe Padre {Father} Serrano that 20 cows would not be in their best interest even if they are free. You can’t play this game of, "wait and see what we’ll do with them", with 20 head of cattle!

<I wrote to the University of Wisconsin (U.W.) and to the U.S. Embassy to ask questions concerning Sofia & her possible future status last night.> I also found a U.W. application blank which I think I can use to apply for next year. Figure I’ll apply in the fall for all year & then just go spring semester when I get back.

Journal, January 9, 1976 PM

Just finished writing the folks & I finally had to tape the envelope shut after trying 3 & no stickem! Jay made it back to Metalio today - brought his bike on the bus from Sonsonate. He really had a great trip. That ballooning project in Peru was apparently a really big deal even though I never read about it in the papers here. They set it off in the middle of the desert near the famous "lines" and flew it 3 minutes. He says there is a 77 year-old German archeologist who has spent 25 years there studying the amazing "lines" and other huge forms and trying to get the surrounding villages to protect them from careless tourists. She went ape shit over the ballooning expedition which brought government recognition of the value of this archeological wonderland and with it protection of the forms - for the sake of future tourists & archeologists.

Jay came back with all kinds of offers of possible work in future ballooning expeditions. The most concrete being the Central American ballooning meet to be held in Guatemala the last weekend in February. He figures to quit Peace Corps in March to go back to the U.S. and earn money for a ballooning venture in Guatemala in September. He’s just bubbling with plans & enthusiasm, but all for ballooning & none for El Maizal or Peace Corps.

He agrees with me that it’s foolish for El Maizal to get cows, but I don’t know if that’s good or bad because he doesn’t really want to do anything at El Maizal but hang around (and only mornings) anyway! Whit Lawrence says he’ll be ready to sign the contract with the CREDHO bosses for the picadora (silage chopper), scale & other stuff next week, so we got to make up our minds if we keep the illusion floating or throw in the monkey wrench fairly soon.

I filled out lots of rabbit cards today and did nothing else of even passing interest - save taking a picture of Alfredo & the goats (new babies & all), which I sent home to the folks for developing along with my Costarican photos!

Letter, January 9, 1976

Hi folks,

You should see my letter to Carla before you see this one, so I will assume you know all about what happened in Costa Rica. <I hope to go back down there in February with Jaime Olson to see Sofia again and give things a chance to develop.> (Don’t worry, I would never get married without giving y’all 2 weeks notice!) The Castillo Murillo family – the family I stayed with for training and again this Christmas sent you a card, in Spanish of course, so I am sending along the translation on a little notebook sheet. They would love to hear from you folks if you find the time to write a card (don’t write a long letter since they’d have to get it translated, etc.). They hit me for a picture of my whole family when I was there. Any help would be appreciated!

I am also sending home a roll of film – mainly of pictures I took in Costa Rica. I need copies of nearly all of them to give to folks when I go back, so I’ll give you a detailed list of what I took on the other side of this sheet. I hate to put you to the trouble of developing pictures and sending them back, but those I had developed here were really bad – poor color, scratches, etc. – and they never get it straight which pictures you want more copies of.

I’m slowly getting back into my daily routine again. I just didn’t want to come back from Costa Rica & now that I’m here I find it hard to get back into my work. Having had time to think about it & be away from it, I see clearly of how little value the work I’m doing is. I enjoy living on the level of the peasant farmers though, learning the language and their customs, but at times I feel severely unemployed. Actually, I can go beat my head against the wall doing field-hand work any time I want, but that doesn’t justify my being here either. Mostly I just feel part of a game called foreign aid which our country plays all over the world, and certainly wastes a lot of money doing, if I can generalize what I see here to other areas!

Here’s the rundown on the photos:

	Copies for me
1) Looking toward Acajutla port from beach in front of where I live	0
2) The beach house where Jay Hasheider & I usually sleep	0
3) Sunset over the Pacific at Metalio & birds	0
4)     "     "     "     "	0
5)     "     "     "     "	0
6) <Jaime Olson, Pilar Campos G. (his fiance), Mrs. Campos, Sofia,	2
sister Sofia's sister (near electric plant in San Antonio)>
7) Jaime & Pilar in front of the pools, Ojo de Agua swimming resort	2
8) <Sofia’s sister, Sofia, Jaime & Pilar at Ojo de Agua>	2
9) The Castillo Murillo family and Rita Klukazewski, a Peace Corps trainee	2
10) <Sofia and her grandparents at their house in Alajuela, Costa Rica>	2
11) <Sofia, her 3 sisters, Luis (a boy friend) and Maria de Los Angeles in	2
front of Ed Stoll’s House (New Year’s eve)>
12) <Same picture, but I’m in there (Sofia’s the one beside me)	3
& Luis is out>
13) Same folks & a few more, taken by a Spanish teacher I know (Jose)	3
14) <The Castillo Murillo family plus Sofia, me, Sofia's sister, Rita & Dennis	5
(another Peace Corps Volunteer who stayed with them)>
15) Some neighbor girls, taken by Mrs. Castillo Murillo as a remembrance	1
16) <The Castillo Murillo family plus Sofia, taken in front of their home>	3
17) The El Maizal goats, featuring 3 new arrivals & the goatherd	1
18) A picture in front of the main building at El Maizal	0
19) Looking back at the shed & water tank from in front of the school	0
20) Ox cart going down the road in front of El Maizal & Don Pedro in there	0
somewhere

That’s 28 pictures in all; hope it doesn’t break you! Send them in a letter or letters instead of a package because it costs a fortune to get packages out of the post office. I haven’t got your cookies yet, but a friend told me they wanted $25 to get out a package he received & he told them to keep it! What about my package, did it ever make it or get lost in the mail? If it didn’t come let me know ‘cause they gave me a receipt for it & I can go in and check up on it.

Well I hope everyone’s new year is off to a good start! Mine started off great, but threatens to bog down and be a lot like last – except for trips to Costa Rica for resuscitation!

Wishing you all peace and tranquility in the year ahead,

Dean

Journal, January 8, 1976 PM

<I just got through holding my only picture of Sofia and my only of Morena up to the light bulb here in the beach house.> I don’t know what that was supposed to help me decide, but it is clear that my feelings about the two of them have developed very differently. I made the move, all the moves really, to try to get to know Morena after meeting her by chance twice in San Isidro, and while she’s always been very nice, she has a coyness and self assurance about her that is very sensual. She made me just want to take her to bed and show her what all you can do with a man besides talk! I doubt she realizes how strongly I felt about her at one time, though some of the looks she’d give me made me wonder - I could never say anything even vaguely sexually suggestive to her, just too afraid the truth would slip out I suppose.

<With Sofia, I was always cast in the role of the counterpuncher (my usual role in life, as a generality).> She wrote me, I wrote back, she invited me to a party the night we arrived, I decided to hang around San Antonio and get to know her better, she said she was in love with me, and I was caught flatfooted and flabbergasted! But it’s all been so direct and honest with her - I told her about Morena, I told her that I was amazed at her certainty that I was the dude she wanted, mentioning her youth and inexperience. Actually it happened too fast for me to be anything but honest and open, even if I’d wanted to.

So now I will just be friends with Morena - maybe she’s never wanted more. <It will be tough, because she just strikes me as a sensual person, but I won’t let myself go beyond that as long as I’m committed to Sofia.> I’m just too sensitive a person to get into "love triangles", it would fuck up my mind too much. <Maybe that’s part of what attracts me to Sofia, she’s so afraid of being hurt too!>

As you can tell by the Peyton Place style beginning of tonight’s entry, nothing exciting happened today! Jay didn’t even show up. I made rabbit feeders from hollow bricks, put a "hutch" on one cage and helped wean and move around a bunch of the El Maizal rabbits. One of their goats had twins today, shooting down the cook’s theory that Tío {Uncle} Sam {the billy goat} could only father one kid per freshening {pregnancy} because he only had one testicle! I’ll have to go talk with her tomorrow & see what new theory she comes up with.

The guy who takes care of the rabbits and goats wanted to know today what ever became of Morena. <I gave him the whole story and showed him Sofia’s picture.> He said she was “muy bonita” {very pretty}, but wanted to see one of Morena for comparative purposes! <I had always been careful in explaining to the El Maizal folks, that Morena was an “amiga” {friend} and not a "novia" {girlfriend} so he wanted to know what status I put on Sofia.> I assured him she was a "novia"!

Letter(2), January 8, 1976

Hi Carla,

Thanks much for the letter, it’s nice to get one from someone new – fresh handwriting to look at and all that! Seriously, I’d just as soon you didn’t write me too often since I got so God awful many letters for Christmas that it’ll take me a month to answer then all!

The first thing that comes to mind to say to ya, is how much you have changed in the year & a half since I last saw ya, but that sounds like what Aunt Mabel & Aunt Mildred used to say about me so I can’t say that! Seriously, it’s easy to see you’ve stopped being a "tierna" {child} and started becoming a "señorita" {young woman}, which is all for the better ‘cause little kids never have any real fun anyway!

Your comments about the Bicentennial are very reassuring. At times I’ve thought I would really be missing something, being out of the States during "our two hundredth birthday", but Yankee Doodle Crunch I can do without! All I’m really going to miss is a chance to maybe sneak up to Canada for part of the Olympics next summer. That is a shame.

I just got back from a great trip to Costa Rica the 6th. It was so beautiful there! The rainy season had just ended, so there was no rain, but flowers were out and everything was green like springtime. The weather was cool and breezy like early June or late May in Wisconsin. I ate more tamales there than in my whole previous life! They make tamales for Christmas like we make cookies, seafoam or fruitcake. People dance and visit more over Christmas there, and don’t go so overboard with gifts like we consumer-glutton Americans. (Partly because of the generally more humble financial situation of the people.) I’ve never been treated so hospitably as folks there treated me, and I told the Castillo Murillo family, truthfully, that it was one of the best Christmas seasons I had ever spent.

By the way, (since I told Jan, I have to tell ya’ll too) I fell in love with a "tica" (slang for Costarican woman) during my visit to Costa Rica and if my balloon don’t go and bust you may hear a good deal more about her. As you know, I’m one of the last persons on earth who should ever have been expected to fall in love (much less have the audacity to say so), but unless the whole thing ends as quick as it started – I could be in big trouble. Lord knows I’m too young to speak about unmentionables like marriage. <I got some pictures of her (her name’s Sofia) on the next roll of film I’m sending home – along with 3 of her 6 sisters, Jaime Olson (a Wisconsin boy!) and his fiancé, and my Costarican family from training.>

Whew! This turned out to be a long letter, and I only wanted to acknowledge yours and tell ya to write again sometime, sorry.

Take care,

Dean

Letter, January 8, 1976

Hi Jan,

What a shame! I wrote you a really beautiful letter, the words fairly flowed from my pen, but then somewhere between the telephone office and home I lost it and so here goes a second try. I feel almost my old cynical self tonight, so you may never know how eloquent I can be at my best!

What I got so eloquent about was my trip to Costa Rica - I enjoyed almost everything about it. My family from training received me like one of their own and I was pleased to be able to communicate much better with them than I ever could during training. They wouldn’t hear of me staying with anyone but them! Jaime’s fiancé and her family are really wonderful people. I can see why he keeps going back to Costa Rica every chance he gets. They have set the date for November 20th and will go back to the States afterwards (he’s from Neenah, Wisconsin). The weather was perfect while I was there, the rains were just over with & everything was green, many plants flowering, and the weather cool and breezy (after El Salvador). I have to admit though, I may have seen Costa Rica a little rosier than it really was, because I fell in love while I was there. Now you know that’s serious because, like most members of our family, I don’t use the word love in normal conversation! It all happened so fast and so easily that my cynical side is still not completely sure it wasn’t a mirage or something. I guess when her first letter gets here from Costa Rica I’ll be fully convinced it’s for real. {some text not transcribed} I’m not ready to explain any more particulars of how it came about, or say how far ahead I’m planning, but the situation is dangerous to my bachelorhood (to sum up quickly)!

If you come down here in February (or any other time before about November), what say we hop a bus down to Costa Rica? It’s a nice place to visit! I may become the number 2 travel agent for Costa Rica in Peace Corps El Salvador (after Jaime Olson) before the year is out!

Thanks for the rundown on what other family members are doing and where their minds are at. It’s the next best thing to being there because our minds still run down many of the same paths. As to the guitar, I sold it to a Salvadoran - there should be a picture of him playing it at a party, if it turned out. I sold it at a loss, but he played it so well, it belonged with him.

I have two big favors to ask, if you got time. First, I need a U.W. application and financial aid form(s). I plan to apply for the whole year, but only go second semester after I get out of Peace Corps and go to Jaime Olson’s wedding. I still plan to study physics. As I told Jaime, I need to try one more round of intellectual study & if that doesn’t satisfy me, or at least hold my interest more than I believe alternatives would, I’ll be ready to think about going farming. Jaime & I have joked some about going farming in Costa Rica or Australia. He’d be the guy to do it with if I ever thought that’s what I wanted!

Second, I’d like you to give me a rundown, if you would, on the situation for U.W. students right now. Anything and everything, like the part-time job situation, tuition costs, housing & food costs, and what kind of atmosphere the University {of Wisconsin} projects now. I’ve read in the New York Times that lots of folks are studying, and heard somewhere that there were 38,000+ students at U.W.-Madison, so things must be crowded!

I really love hearing from ya!

Dean

Journal, January 7, 1976 PM

I’m almost too burned out to write any more tonight. I’ve already written 3 letters - two in Spanish - and called Morena tonight. Then I went and lost the letter to Jan and may have to rewrite it. <Starting from the beginning, I wrote Jan about Sofia & asked her to get me a U.W. {University of Wisconsin} application form as well - and fill me in on the situation for "student n*****s" in the present U.S. economic stagnation. I called Morena about the books and told her about Sofia (as I promised).> She showed no emotion, only said that they say ticas {Costarican women} are friendlier, but Salvadoran women are better lovers. Wonder if she meant that as a slight reprimand or perhaps a word of warning? Anyway she is still checking into the book thing and gave regards to my family. <Next I wrote Sofia - nothing heavy just hi, how ya doin’, I luv ya, I been doin’ such & such.> I wrote to Doña Carmen and her family, finally, to let them know I arrived safely & all.

I should probably never have told Jaime about my opportunity to attend Harvard and other top law schools, next I had to tell him about my grade point & this morning over breakfast he inquired what courses I had gotten AB’s instead of A’s in. He’s given me some of the customary ribbing, but has promised not to tell other folks about it. I have enjoyed being accepted as just another person, and not stereotyped as a "brain" while in Peace Corps. I’m not sure it would make that much difference, but I like things like they are.

I talked to Profy {Gomez} today about my doubts about the cattle demonstration project’s feasibility at El Maizal, and its value to the overall goals of the training school & CREDHO. He still is gung-ho to do the project, but I believe I’ve gotten him to think a little about the initial outlays and special care a cattle project entails, and about the fact that we aren’t currently working with ganaderos {cattle farmers}, yet we would be establishing a system only ganaderos with 10+ cows could utilize. As always he has 10 projects running through his mind at once.

I enjoyed bullshitting with the folks at El Maizal and in Metalio most of the afternoon. I told them I didn’t want to come back from Costa Rica, I had a novia {girlfriend} there now and all that.

Images, January, 1976

{ Example of a piece of mail that had a rough trip between Central America and the US. }

{ Back of a piece of mail that had a rough trip between Central America and the US. }

Fred & Clarita in front of their little cafe in San Salvador. He's an American ex-sailor, and she's Salvadoran. He serves the most authentic, cheap hamburgers in town.

Central market in Armenia, Sonsonate taken from a bus window. { The bus between Metalio and San Salvador always stopped in Armenia. }

Alfredo, the guy who took care of the goats & rabbits at El Maizal, with a newborn kid.

Front view of El Maizal farmer school & demonstration farm. The sign says Merry Christmas.

A pole frame building of bahareque (mud & stick) and straw construction. They tied the poles together with wire and made a thatched roof that shed water pretty well.

An oxcart in front of El Maizal.

Journal, January 7, 1976 AM

I spent most of yesterday chasing around on errands and never did get out to Metalío. <After finally writing in this journal, I scribbled off a semi-incoherent letter to Sofia saying I missed her and loved her, and I hoped she’d get into studying at the University, and about our bad luck with the bus.> I’ll try to write a more coherent letter one of these nights when my mind’s right.

Went to Peace Corps office and picked up a bundle of letters from the States. Got a birthday card from the folks with letters from Mom, Donna & Carla enclosed. Carla’s really changing, she’s going through puberty & becoming a woman – won’t know her when I get back! She sent a photo & just wrote to say there wasn’t much to write about, but you could see she was starting to recognize herself as an individual and an adult. Donna has matured a good deal – has a house with 3 friends, and is thinking about studies and career (hospital dietetics). It’s very encouraging since I’ve always worried about her finding her own way, and recognizing her own worth. Mom wrote her customary calendar of daily events, & sent a picture of Dad from the Friendship Reporter {the local newspaper}.

Jan wrote a good letter saying she still hopes to make it down in February if she gets some money together. She gave a quick rundown of what the other siblings are into and their mental states. I really value that because it’s the next closest thing to being able to be there and analyze the situation myself. Jan & I have always had a lot of thoughts and attitudes in common.

Jay Mathes sent a letter in answer to my Christmas card, wishing me love and assuring me he wishes he was where I am. <I’ll have to write him about Sofia, & let him know how appropriate his letter sounded at the time I read it!> Jay’s convinced he’s living an illusionary life, & is looking for the real thing. It’s an easy attitude to develop in college, Jan has often expressed it, and I recall feeling it too in school. You are in a temporary, transitory state, and long for the permanent "real" state. He may still end up back down here in Peace Corps – but that’s a very temporary state too. I’m afraid it won’t satisfy him either – it hasn’t satisfied me.

I went to eat with Stan Krenz and Jaime. Stan’s a sociology grad. too, and yesterday hit us with some of the same things I’ve said to myself. He says sociology is fascinating to study, but no field to get a job in, & that he’ll probably go back to school to change his field (but not as drastically as I plan to). Stan says he just can’t imagine having a woman he could care about enough to forget all others, & be willing to settle down with – marriage is still for others & not for Stan. Yet it takes little insight to see that Stan, more than most men, needs a good faithful, loving & supportive woman (wife if bureaucracy must be bowed to) to give him the confidence and sense of purpose he lacks in his life.

Jay Hasheider’s back from Peru and the States. He had a good time but apparently found nothing he could permanently get into so he is back with Peace Corps and El Maizal.

Jaime & I stopped by Fred’s to eat supper. He’s teaching English daily now. He likes the money, but hates the work! Same old Fred, living day to day, and more or less happy with all his little problems & triumphs, and no big ones.

Journal, January 6, 1976 AM

Didn’t get around to writing until after breakfast today – boy am I slipping fast now that vacation is over! We had a real bummer of a bus ride from Managua to here. Left there at shortly after 6 AM and didn’t get to San Salvador (about 550 kilometers of good road) until almost 2 AM this mourning. We spent 7 hours at a restaurant in Honduras while they played with the bus’s motor. <I started a letter to Sofia, drank too much vodka & beer with Jaime and Roy (the Englishman), and had just started eating a very hot order of chop suey when they decided the bus was at last ready to go!> I gulped down the food (burning the shit out of my mouth), paid and ran. So of course they short changed me one Lempira (50¢ American) for being in too much of a hurry to count my change. That’s all right though because I’ll be passing through there again & since they are now on my black list, I won’t feel bad about swiping glasses or silverware if I get a chance! De facto justice you might call it.

<No grandiose schemes for making my fortune (so I can study & live happily ever after with Sofia at the same time) have emerged from all my thinking about the subject!> I have a lot of inquiries to make to find out as much as possible about the situation in which we will find ourselves after marriage. (As you may have noticed, I have begun to take a very positive attitude toward marrying this chic. Essentially, I’ve made up my mind not to be the first to show doubts or back out this time. I believe she has the makings of a good lifelong companion & am ready for the security of having one person to count on & keeping other women at a safe distance. Never having been a ladies man, it shouldn’t be too tough!) All in all it should keep the old "maquinita del cerebro" {machine of a brain} working overtime, which keeps me from being moody & melancholy (or "mejor dicho" {better said} : from being as moody and melancholy!).

Journal, January 4, 1976 PM

I feel like I’m marking an anniversary. I was in Managua, and under the influence when I started this journal, and here I am again.

<I said good-by to Sofia this morning.> She arrived at the house about eight, looking fresh and beautiful. I’ll probably remember her like that ‘til February or April, when I go back! I was about to take a family photo before leaving, so she got into it. I should have snuck in there too and let Jaime take it!

Luis took us to the bus station & we said good-by {some text not transcribed} We had two for the road and got on the bus. <I spent most of the morning hashing through schemes to make some money or get a good part-time job so I could go studying and marry Sofia right away.> Two years is a long time to wait for a pretty girl who knows how to make them drool! Actually the wait would make me more sure she isn’t going to change her mind when she gets a little broader perspective of the world, and gets to know me better. But I don’t want her to, after all!

I spent maybe fifteen minutes on the bus between Peñas Blancas {Costa Rica} & Managua {Nicaragua} trying to remember the name of a guy I knew well in college, Westley Radditz. Finally I told Jaime about it & we got talking about other stuff – I remembered it shortly thereafter. Scary how easy it is to forget!

We talked to a couple wanderers in Managua tonight. One was from California & New York, and the other from Manchester, England. Nice, interesting folks and very restless. Don’t know exactly what they hope to find, & are interested in everything so they keep traveling – the American is going into Peace Corps soon!

Journal, January 4, 1976 AM

We had a good day with the women folk yesterday, Jaime & I. We went bowling early in the morning, & bowled 3 games each. Doña Marita {Pilar’s Mom} was the star of the first game – also her first ever – bowling a 72 when I got a 74, & the girls really bombed out. Only Jaime broke 100, and it wasn’t a good game for him since he is a pretty serious bowler.

We had lunch at a good hamburger joint. <Sofia ate a whole quarter-pound hamburger, quite a feat for a chic that has to get shots to improve her appetite!> After that she still had room for an apple, bought in a central market for 2 for ¢6 (about 70¢ U.S.). Apples are expensive here; that’s one thing she’ll like about Wisconsin, lots of apples!

In the evening we checked out the San Antonio movie house. It was the first time for most of us. <Guillermo came along, and 3 of Sofia’s sisters & Luís, who drove.> It was an action film with fights & car chases, & a pimp-out on U.S. and Russian intelligence agents – a lot of laughs.

<So now Sofia says she wants to go back to Wisconsin one time only, & to stay, already married.> Great, but what do I do about supporting her while she’s learning English. No problem if I was ready to be a 9 to 5 working stiff, & let the mind vegetate. If I could swing a super part-time job it might work, but I’m going to study physics! I think she just wants to go back with Pilar – has the idea they can keep each other company, and thus make the transition easier. But she’ll have to get that out of her head sooner or later anyway because Neenah is a long way from Friendship, and even farther from Madison!

But she keeps tellin’ me she loves me (no prodding, honest!), and she is foxy!

Journal, January 3, 1976 AM

In yesterday’s scribblings I started out with the heading: January 2, 1975. Brings back memories. I always did that for at least a couple weeks on my class work in grade school.

We went up to Ed Stoll’s to clean up yesterday, with Guillermo, the cyclist. Don came up later on, and we sat around drinking “zarsa” {root beer} and discussing sports, San Antonio {de Belén} and other trivial things. There wasn’t much cleaning to do, so we got it out of the way quick while Don washed his van, and then finished off some near-empty liquor bottles, & started on the unopened Duncan’s whiskey. Ed moves out today, so we helped him move a freezer. We took along the leftover oranges and lemons and the Duncan’s when we left. Jaime took them home (except the Duncan’s, put in safekeeping at Don’s), and promised to bring by half the oranges for our family in the afternoon.

It was really great that Jaime & Pilar came to visit, & talk with Doña Carmen & the kids! She just loves to have folks visit her, & they had never come together before. They kidded Marielos about Felipe’s allusion to her big green eyes, and she just blushed and smiled, and looked cute as ever. <I got a lot of ribbing about Sofia, of course, with Doña Carmen predicting 2 weddings this year, and Jaime plugging a return trip to San Antonio in February!> Jaime’s gone through more than a year of this so he’s making sure I get my share too! <Doña Carmen said I had a pretty novia {girlfriend}, which I took as motherly acceptance of Sofia, but Carlos (Doña Carmen’s brother), who once had a novia in the family, says her Dad is a bad suegro {father-in-law} – he never liked Carlos.> Carlos invited us drinking to celebrate our departure tonight.

I saw Superman on T.V. after supper last night, first time in years! <Went to Jaime’s to see Sofia who had promised to come over, and B.S.’ed with Jaime, Pilar & Don a little.> Jaime ate, & I bummed a tamale, rice & milk. <I started teaching Jaime & Pilar to play Dirty Clubs, but it got to be 7:30 and Sofia hadn’t showed up, so I decided to truck on up to her house, & see what was happening.>

{some text not transcribed}

I ran back down the road to Jaime’s, told them the decision {about going bowling today}, and went for a couple beers with Jaime. We ran in to 3 {Peace Corps} trainees in a talkative mood, & Jaime gave them the lowdown on how to get along in Peace Corps, or to get along you go along, adapted for modern audiences. I added a few side comments, & it seemed to satisfy them. There were no ardent idealists present!

Journal, January 2, 1976 AM

Fabio & Dennis hit the cantina {bar} right after breakfast in an attempt to cure their hangovers – a very popular method here! I saw them coming back about 1 PM when I was sitting on the porch at the Campos Gonzalez house talking to Jaime. Glad I didn’t go along! I spent the morning reading "Cien Años de Soledad" {One Hundred Years of Solitude}, and talking with Doña Carmen. She asked me again if I enjoyed the holidays here (She is so worried about doing right by her adopted Gringo {North American} children!), and I told her truthfully it was one of the best Christmases I ever had. The neighborhood girls are really nice to me since I’ve told them I have a novia {girlfriend}. I guess they figure that now I’m out of circulation so they can treat me like a cousin!

Went over to Jaime’s after lunch, and we did some B.S.’ing about nothing special. <Sofia showed up later & we played "Tonto" which is like Old Maid. I went with Sofia to get a couple pills for her sister, and we rapped some.> She says her father wants her to marry a nice local boy, and stay close to home, and that he doesn’t like her hangin’ around with Gringos especially, so we have to take it slow & easy with him. I told her my folks would have the same kind of preoccupations about a foreigner, but of course it’s not as relevant because I’m independent of the family now.

We started talkin’ about her coming to my home to visit in November, & it led into where we might end up living. Said she didn’t want to study in the States, just sit around the house or play sports, etc. She was jivin’ me but the part about not studying may have been serious – hope not.

I got into a useless conversation with a sister-in-law of Fabio’s back at the house. She’s clearly the boss of her family, and a fired up "evangelico" {evangelical Christian} trying to convert sinners. I never have found a polite way of telling folks like her I think it’s fine they believe what they do and are so happy & at peace with God, but they ain’t going to convert me, so why not stop trying! Guess I’ll always be a sucker for listening to fanatics!

Journal, January 1, 1976 AM

Today I officially begin this journal, so you might know I am having trouble deciding what to write. The idea of keeping this thing going doesn’t strike me as too important today! So on with the chore.

The New Year’s party Jaime, Ed Stoll and I set up was pretty decent. Everybody drank and danced some, there were no evident personality clashes, and no one fell, jumped or was pushed into the pool. I am always mystified at how one measures the success of such an event, but as the classic saying goes: Everyone seemed to be having a good time! We had two full bottles of booze left, & only one party vomited on the grounds, while the bocas {snacks} were demolished, so you could classify it as a nice friendly family affair.

<So what about Sofia?> All day I thought this could be a crucial night for us. I wanted, in some way I can’t fully define, to be sure of her, to give me the will power I’ll need to keep from letting the relationship slide while we’re apart. Expecting too much, as usual, I was a little bit let down. She was the one last night who seemed to keep coming back to the idea that we should tell each other if we find another, better novio/novia {boy or girl friend}. I finally told her we should forget about that possibility. She’s getting as bad as me about stressing the doubts instead of concentrating on the present relationship! She up and told me at the height of the party – just before midnight – that she felt kind of tired and bored. Now that is a tough sign to read, ‘cause I usually feel tired & bored at drinking parties, but would never tell anyone that because they would think me even more of a bookworm and anti-social person than they already do. Was she being brutally honest, just with me, or trying to tell me indirectly that I, personally, am boring to be with? I got her to dance a bit later on, and the heavy talk was shoved into the background.

<Sofia met Doña Carmen, & it was a cordial, almost friendly encounter.> (I will wait for Carmen’s reaction today.) <I took a few photos of Sofia and her family, and one of all of Doña Carmen’s brood who were there, including Rita and Dennis. Sofia and two of her sisters dedicated themselves, for quite a time, to seeing that Dennis had some fun because he was sitting alone a lot, looking deep in thought to me, but only triste {sad} to them!> Dennis has that solitary (soledad? {Spanish for solitary}) look about him that reminds me of how Tom Hamilton (in Steinbeck’s “East of Eden”) would have looked in real life. He may be trying to decide to be great or let it go and just be human as Tom was. Doña Carmen thinks it’s money and girl troubles, but I can’t buy it. He reads poetry too, so that gives him another link with Tom Hamilton. Hope he doesn’t ride off on horseback and shoot himself!

Journal, December 31, 1975 AM

I didn’t put any weight on yesterday! Spent all day running around getting something set up for New Year’s Eve. Jaime and I went up to visit Ed Stoll, and he suggested the idea of having a party at his place. It is perfect for a party with a little swimming pool, a little dance hall behind the house with bar & bathroom and lots of space! <So then we talked it over with Pilar and Sofia and other folks, and they agreed to work on “bocas” {snacks}.> So we went to see Skip about booze, & he put ¢50 in the kitty & promised to drop by – Tom may too. We trucked clear back up to Ed’s to let him know plans were confirmed, & booze & mix bought, but he wasn’t home. We cleaned things up a bit, & went home to eat. Jaime called Ed after supper, and things are all set, we think. We’ll head up to Ed’s this morning to get things cleaned up. <My Costarican family says they’ll come too, so it could be Doña Carmen’s first head-to-head encounter with Sofia. She claims she likes Sofia’s sisters O.K., but has never gotten to know Sofia, and seems to blame Sofia a little for it.> Besides, she considers herself my surrogate mother, and thus feels compelled to protect my interests!

{some text not transcribed}

Something heavy may be unfolding at Basico. There is a rumor that the girlfriend of Kevin, a trainee, got raped by a Spanish professor! Skip is hush-hush about it, but said last night (when Jaime & I had a beer with him) that he had it all, almost, straightened out. I’ve got to get out of San Antonio, I’m turning into yet another small town gossip!

Journal, December 30, 1975 AM

<We {Sofia and I} went down to Ojo de Aqua {a swimming resort} yesterday all by ourselves.> {some text not transcribed}

In the afternoon I took the neighborhood girls to Basico to see Rita’s “charla” {talk}, but we showed up late and missed it. They didn’t seem to mind being we saw two others, & took some oranges. <I told them officially that Sofia was my novia {girlfriend}, & was surprised by the extent of their reaction.> Shit, they must have been 99% sure of it before! Apparently there is a status which isn’t achieved until you officially say – da-dah! - this woman is my novia. {some text not transcribed}

There isn’t going to be a dance in the Salon Paquari {a large dance hall} in town the 31st, bummer! <So now I don’t know what Sofia will want to do.> Amazing she or Pilar didn’t hear that before Jaime and I!

We saw Guillermo, the cyclist who came down from San Salvador, in El Jardín de Cerveza {a tavern-like bar whose name translates to Beer Garden} last night (Jaime, Felipe & I). Looks like he’ll get a job teaching English here in San Jose, & try to save money to tour South America on his bike. He’s a fascinating person, intelligent, yet full of the devil, lookin’ for fun, and with an insatiable wandering itch!

We are 3 Gringos in the house today (Dennis came in yesterday for a wedding & New Year’s.), and it’s really too much, but Doña Carmen loves it, and everyone knows she’s in charge!

Card, December 29, 1975

{ Translation of the inside of this Christmas card, which Doña Carmen gave me. }
{
A Happy Christmas
and
Fortunate
New Year

Are the sincere wishes of
Fabio Castillo Rojas, his wife and family

1975 - 1976
}

Postcard, December 29, 1975

Description: Group of typical dancers in the touristic center “El Castillo”, Heredia, Costa Rica

{ Translation of this postcard which was sent by my Costarican “family” to my family. }

{
An affectionate greeting to all of your family and desiring that you have had a happy Christmas and a happy New Year. We are very happy to have in our house your son Dean. Although we only know you from photos, we have come to have great regard for you.

Until soon, Greetings,

Familia Castillo Murillo
}

Journal, December 29, 1975 AM

Another day of quiet domestic life in San Antonio. Went & had a couple beers with Jaime down at Skip & Neil’s {bar named La Terminal}. I pimped him out with a note wishing him “felicidades” {congratulations} on Día de los Santos Inocentes (sort of a Costarican April Fools Day) & took Pilar a card for her birthday the 27th. <Talked with Jaime about taking Sofia and her mother or someone back to the states for 3 weeks or a month to give her a chance to get to know my folks, and get a taste of the climate. I caught him by surprise that I was thinking in those terms already after I’d been pooh-poohing his ribs about my bringing Sofia back to the States to keep Pilar company.> I’m glad he’s going to get married before I plan to, so I can take notes and avoid a few pitfalls! God, I don’t even believe the heavy stuff I’m talkin’ after 9 days of knowing this little chic!

I rapped with Doña Carmen’s Dad a little about the problems of the world. I never cease to be amazed at how similar are the ideas and preoccupations of common people I’ve met everywhere I’ve been – women, their kids, their health, work, cost of living, sports, politics. Only names and dates & places change. Like Pilar’s Dad who believes a man with responsibilities should not get drunk, & that religion is not that important beyond the point of living a moral life, & taking care of your kids. I can close my eyes and hear Dad or Dale {an older cousin} or LeRoy {a friend of Dad’s} or any number of other men saying about the same thing.

<I went to mass in the afternoon (2 weeks in a row), with Sofia & Pilar & Jaime. I told Sofia I really was turned off by all the feelingless ritual in Catholic churches, but don’t know if it sunk in.> She didn’t say anything. We played spoon, made more popcorn, and took a (walking) lap around town. {some text not transcribed}

Journal, December 28, 1975 AM

<I cut it off, and was more than adequately rewarded by Sofia!> {some text not transcribed}

The rest of my day was anticlimactic (to have a stab at the year’s most conspicuous understatement!). <I didn’t arrive on Sofia’s porch until about 6:15 PM.> Went to San Jose in the mornin’ to get Pilar a birthday card {some text not transcribed} & some more popcorn. {some text not transcribed}

I went cuttin’ banana leaves for tamales with Fabio Alberto & Orlando in the afternoon, & never did get the card to Pilar.

<It hit me on the way home last night – how am I going to begin the process of telling my family about Sofia?> We are a family that absolutely never talk among ourselves about love or openly show love one for another among ourselves. Even Jan, who is the most open with me, and close to me, will only write that she has a friend named Jerry – not that she loves him or anything, just that he exists. My sisters never clung to my Mom, or put their heads in her lap {some text not transcribed}. We are emotionally deprived in that we feel love strongly, (if unemotional Dean does, the whole clan must!) but are inhibited from and embarrassed to express it openly. What frustrated beings it causes us to be! <Maybe I’ll write to Jan about Sofia for starters.>

Journal, December 27, 1975 AM

<I still have Sofia on the brain this morning.> {some text not transcribed}

Stopped by the Campos Gonzalez house after getting back, and went for a drink with Jaime & Felipe. We got talking about what strange people PCVs {Peace Corps Volunteers} are, about Miguel, Russ, Diego, Fred {PCVs in our group in El Salvador}. Turns out Felipe’s a pre-med. student who couldn’t get into medical school. He wants to practice medicine in Spanish Harlem, a very noble ambition. He may try to get into medical school here, & then transfer back to the States after a couple years – hope he makes it. He’s a pretty intense and well disciplined dude, though you don’t notice it at first because he’s so friendly and seemingly easy-going. Great to see that being a black Puertorican in New York {City} hasn’t scarred him with racial hatred as it has so many people.

We went to see Jan & Mike Galbraith {Costarican PCVs who trained with us at Basico} last night. Jaime and Mike (& I to an extent) talked sports as always, & Jan talked with her Mom leaving poor Pilar isolated, and trying to understand all the English flying by. We went over to their place, & had some of a “contrabanda” {contraband} cake Jan’s mother got through customs (all the way from a Chicago bakery). It was white cake with a layer of strawberries & one of bananas and cream frosting, incredible! Mike’s going back to school in Milwaukee in August so we’ll probably see him again up there. Says he wants to live somewhere between Chicago & Milwaukee, his two favorite cities.

Well, I think the goatee goes today. <Sofia tried it & didn’t like it (very abrasive).> I’ll decide when I look in the mirror!

Journal, December 26, 1975 AM

<Well, Sofia’s done it, wiped everything else so completely out of my mind I don’t know if I’ll be able to write anything that makes any sense this morning.> {some text not transcribed}

So what else did I do yesterday? Fabio was still flying high, & I rapped with him about life. He says you come into the world barefoot and without clothes, so everything you get from there is gain. Also told me you have to forget about death, and just live life from day to day seeking its pleasures – a real fatalist. Seems like a common attitude among heavy drinkers I’ve known.

I spent some time with the family & their relatives who dropped by. It’s really nice the way families go around seeing each other on Christmas Day here, much more in the spirit of the holiday than the football game back home in Wisconsin. But it’s almost all women that do the visiting & receiving, the men are off drinking or sleeping it off with few exceptions. We made more popcorn, & the kids were less bashful about digging in this time (or hungrier as Doña Carmen suggested), and it was great.

Finished off the night by making popcorn with Jaime, Pilar and her folks. It’s all so new to them to see that little bunch of grain make a pot full of “palomitas” {popcorn} that they make you feel like a real chef! I swear I eat about half of every pot I make though! Jaime and Pilar are planning ahead, said they were going to teach Spanish to their kids by speaking only Spanish in the house – a great idea if they can keep it up. <Jaime got in his customary jab about me bringing Sofia back to Wisconsin to give Pilar someone to talk to, so I’m back to Sofia where my mind will be most of today.>

Journal, December 25, 1975 AM

Well, I never had a Christmas Eve like it, and may never again! In the afternoon Jaime and I stopped by Basico to say ‘Hi’, and drop off a card from the Campos Gonzalez family. Skip invited us for a drink with the staff who were still around, and afterwards we picked some oranges and grapefruit, & got a lift to La Terminal with Ed Stoll. We drank & B.S.’ed with Clarence, a new Spanish professor from Limón, and with Tom and later a friend of Clarence’s as well. They kept buyin’ and we kept drinkin’, and shot the whole afternoon. I was feeling really buzzed when I got home! Clarence is a “humanist” (his word), and an insightful social observer – fascinating to talk to – and he spent some time in Appleton, Wisconsin near Jaime’s home! He says El Salvador’s gotta just explode some day – when and how who knows, but he’s as incredulous as us over the situation there.

So about seven we ate supper (No. 1), and we made some popcorn (of which I ate three-fourths, and Rita most of the rest!). I was hungry & still flyin’ high & even a shower hadn’t helped. The head was just startin’ to settle down when Don Fabio showed up with 3 bottles of liquor, half buzzed himself, and started pouring us rum with Champaine chasers! He was funny drunk for once, and we had a good time B.S.’ing. About 9 or 9:30 we had our Cena Santa {Holy Supper} (No. 2) of rice, chicken & tamales – delicious but I was getting full!

Then we got invited over to the neighbors to dance, the place Nat Leisure {a Peace Corps trainee in my group} used to be, and drink all kinds of weird stuff that never tasted the same two glasses in a row. Talked with two more trainees, & danced a little. Felt amazingly straight, but I knew it wouldn’t take much to put me over the brink again! Doña Carmen and Don Fabio were dancing & having a good time together – que raro {how unusual}! They’re arguing again this morning! The family went on home but Rita was gettin’ into the music so we stayed, & they gave me the key. Felipe had dropped by on his way around the neighborhood, so when everyone was asleep on returning home, Rita decided we should truck over to Jaime’s (at about 1 AM). We found them up and lively, and gettin’ ready to eat! – God forbid! So we ate a little more (No. 3), and had a decent Guatemalan wine. What great people! That little bit of wine put me over the brink, & my head was spinning. Along with being dog tired it was a weird feeling. About 3:30 we stumbled on home. Merry, merry Christmas!

Postcard, December 24, 1975

Description: Monument to Juan Santamaria, Alajuela, Costa Rica

Hi folks,

Yup I’m back in Costa Rica. I wasn’t planning to stay in San Antonio while here, but my Costarican Mom wouldn’t have it any other way, so I’m livin’ cheap and really taking it easy! It just stopped raining here and the flowers are blossoming & things are really fine. Am passing a very sedentary vacation so far; no journeys to see hard-to-get-to “wonders”. Just enjoying the climate & terrific Costarican people – they’re friendly to a fault, I swear!

Happy New Year,

Dean

P.S. My Costarican family wants a photo of as many of my family as you can corral. Help?

Journal, December 24, 1975 AM

They really weren’t kidding in El Salvador when they told me tamales were the big food for "Navidad" {Christmas}. Same thing here! I had three yesterday & believe me there’s no tamale like a homemade tamale!

Ah, what a life! We went to Ojo de Agua yesterday morning & really enjoyed ourselves, just relaxing, swimming, swinging & boating. I was really feelin’ my oats, as they used to say way back in Wisconsin, and even did a yoga headstand and a backbend! {some text not transcribed}

Journal, December 23, 1975 AM

Went into San Jose yesterday, & was floored by the prices of stuff. They are about as high as I remember prices being in the States a year & a half ago! Felipe, the current Peace Corps trainee in Pilar’s house, says prices have shot up incredibly in the U.S. since we left though, so maybe things are a little cheaper here than there. You can’t tell the Gringos {North Americans} from the natives in San Jose, and some of the Gringos are adopted ticos {Costaricans} too so the central part of town has a very North American atmosphere. I bought a couple gifts, & had a banana split for old times sake.

<Got a bus to the San Antonio turn off {from the main highway between San Jose and the airport}, so decided to look up Sofia’s house.> I asked directions of the right dude apparently, because I found it with no problems! {some text not transcribed}

Got my presents wrapped, & set to go last night, and then went for a beer with Jaime & Pilar. Pilar is such a fireball it’s unreal. She doesn’t say anything so profound or even humorous, but her laugh is so infectious you can’t help enjoying being around her. She just can’t quit ribbing Jaime about the fact that my eyes are bluer than his! Hit him with it on the way home, “Dino, no traigas tus anteojos mañana!” { “Dean, don’t wear your glasses tomorrow! }

Journal, December 22, 1975 AM

Haven’t officially started this thing, & I already missed writing in it one night, but maybe mornings are better anyway!

Read some more of "Cien Años de Soledad" yesterday morning. I’m getting so I can read through it at a semi-reasonable pace, & don’t look up so God awful many words. Lucky it’s a funny book, & thus keeps the attention.

Poor Rita {current Peace Corps trainee living here}, Doña Carmen came down hard on her ‘cause she’s going over to Pilar’s house, & have a drink with Felipe on Christmas Eve. <She got the whole line about how Sofia (my penpal) was from a bad family whose kids make fun of the Castillo Gonzalez family.> Small town scrapping at its worst, & they try to put her (& me) in the middle. But I just won’t let it excite me at all.

Beer has really gone up here – to 4 or 5 Colones from 3 to 3½ when I was here 14 months ago. Jaime & I had a good talk over beer – same themes as usual, how things were & are back home, & how much he likes Costa Rica & his future in-laws. Going to set the wedding date while he’s here this time. Hope it’s early in November ‘cause I’ve pretty well promised to come but will be anxious to hit the road by then!

Bullshitted with Rita about pot, religion & a bunch of other stuff last night. Nice chic, but I almost think she’s got the same problem I got; went into the wrong field, & doesn’t really want to go back to school to change. Or maybe it’s just general restlessness – bummed out by the idea of taking on a steady job, & just watching life fly by without doing all the things (some you haven’t even found out about yet) that you’d like to do before you’re too old. But folks like us should be fun to talk to at least, right?

Journal, December 20, 1975 PM

So why write a journal in the first place? I hope I never get to the point of going back and reading it all over again – what a waste. That means I must be writing for someone else to read some day, & share my ideas or experiences or whatever. Maybe if my need to communicate in some way what goes through my brain day by day will keep me writing.

Went to my first church service in a long time today, a Catholic mass in San Antonio de Belén. The ritual really bums me out, always has. Reminds me of zombies or robots when people mumble answers to mumbled questions without thinking about what they’re saying. However, it’s really not as bad as all that, because they don’t take it too seriously. My tica {Costarican} sister and her friend giggled next to me through it all. Constant ritual indoctrination just becomes a routine, boring but cherished for its sentimental value. It doesn’t take over our minds.

{some text not transcribed}

Journal, December 19, 1975

Wow, is all I can say about my reception in Costa Rica today! Pilar and her mother met us at the airport, and Doña Carmen had come to meet me too, but missed us somehow. She was real upset, & came over to Pilar’s to take me “home”. We talked like never before, & she stuffed me with food like old times. <Then I went to Pilar’s & Sofia’s graduation party (typing school).> These Costarican girls are so fresh & so direct they’re really refreshing. If they like you they say so, and they aren’t on as tight a leash as Salvadorans are.

But you have to watch out because they’re marriage minded, and what in hell would I do with a wife, going back to school like I plan to?

This morning I’m still impressed with the extreme amiability of the Costarican people toward Gringos {North Americans}, they almost fight to be your special friend, & get more attention, & are so emotional! As Jaime said last night, his fiancé’s family treats him so well, it’s better coming home to them than going home to Wisconsin.

Images, December, 1975

Fabio Castillo, Marielos, Fabio Alberto, Orlando and Carmen de Castillo, plus {Peace Corps trainee} Rita Kluzusji {back} at the Castillo Murillo house {in San Antonio de Belén, Costa Rica}.

Journal, December 18, 1975

Since I have not yet officially begun this journal, I feel no obligation to be consistent in what I write as yet. But on the other hand there’s no reason to wait ‘til January 1 to begin when I’ve already bought the book. I am in Managua, Nicaragua tonight, on my way to Costa Rica with Jaime Olson. Going through Nicaragua, and seeing immense, well cared for fields of cotton, sugarcane & banana trees has brought up an old internal conflict. Unquestionably, big haciendas {farms} can employ the latest technology, & if well managed, out produce the same amount of land in "minifundia" {small} holdings, but that still doesn’t justify people like the Somoza family, virtual owners of a country. Medium, commercial size farms use land most efficiently, but what do you do with all those extra people? Same problem as in El Salvador, & no solution short of political upheaval followed by land reform. And no assurance land reform will be a panacea if it leads to generalized minifundia. On to Costa Rica, and a little respite from such heavy stuff! Jaime’s fiancé has found me a penpal, & now Jaime is foreseeing a blossoming romance before I’ve even met her.

On the journal, I hope to carry on indefinitely (beginning January 1). I take a healthy dose of cynicism from Mark Twain who said that a completed journal was of great value. (I have begun journals before, twice, unsuccessfully.)

Letter, December 8, 1975

Hi folks,

Thanks much for the fotos {photos} of the Indian corn. They made a big hit with Morena’s family (look at the fotos to find out who Morena is) because our "Indian corn" looks a lot like the white or flint corn they grow here. The corn here is characteristically very tall and often has purple {coloring} in stalks or ears! The native or "indio" corn here (which I’ve seen once in the mountains) looks just exactly like ours, with multi-colored kernels & everything. They say it makes good tortillas, so maybe I can make tortillas from Indian corn when I get back (once I learn the trick to it)!

How did hunting come out? It’s about time someone in the family landed a deer considering all the hay & corn they mooch off us! We had a good Turkey Day football game with campo {rural} PCVs {Peace Corps Volunteers} beating city PCVs & embassy Marines 25-24! Afterwards we proceeded to eat & then drink too much, but it was great! After eating rice and beans, turkey, dressing, mashed potatoes, gravy, biscuits & pumpkin pie are just unreal!

Before I forget, I got your film & from the last film I sent home, I’d like two copies of any pictures of my Chinese friends & I that turned out, one for each of them. I’m going back up to Atiocoyo to see them some weekend & will take them up. The tall Chinese guy is a real philosopher, says if a person wants to have the best of everything he should have an American (U.S.) home, eat Chinese food, have a Japanese wife, and keep a French mistress!

I’m sending home a bunch of photos I took here & had developed (mainly because lots of folks wanted copies of some. Never again! As you can see the quality of some is rotten. Some where I had them make more than one copy came out in different colors in the copy, & then they didn’t give me the same copies I requested in all cases! I explain each picture on the back.

Sounds like the corn was pretty good, and $8.60 {per hundredweight} sounds incredible for milk, though I’m sure all of your costs have been climbing even faster. The rainy season stayed until the end of November this year; much different than last fall when it hardly rained after Oct. 15. Actually, so much rain hurt the bean crop, which in many cases sprouted on the vine due to the dampness, & the coffee producers were crying because the downpours were knocking nearly ripe coffee beans off the trees. I never feel sorry for the big coffee producers any more though since I learned they don’t pay income taxes (which producers of other crops do) even though coffee is the country’s major export!

I’m leaving Dec. 18 for Costa Rica. I’m going down with Jaime (Jim) Olson, a fellow PCV & Wisconsinite who has his fiancé down there. He met her during training, & just kept liking her company more and more! She’s a native Costarican and a secretarial student. Anyway, I’m going to keep Jaime company, see the family I stayed with {in training}, & meet a girl Pilar (the fiancé) & Jaime buffaloed into writing to me. I’m looking forward to the trip. Costa Rica is going to look even more beautiful after being here a year. Hard to believe they have no army there when the army is so big & brazenly evident here!

Well, hope your holidays are happy!

Dean

P.S. - New Year’s resolution for Donna, Bruce, Tom, Carla & Merna. Write me once a year to prove you’re alive!

Letter, November 18, 1975

Dear Mom, Dad & all,

I sent y’all a “surprise” package November 10 by ship & land, so thought I’d better get my butt in gear and write you what I sent before I forgot. They told me it would take about a month to get to you, so hope it arrives before Christmas! Well here goes with the mailing list { The package included gifts for my 7 sisters, 2 brothers and David, my sister Mary’s spouse }:

There are 2 Guatemalan handycraft shirts for Bruce & Tom; they can fight over who gets which. There are 2 wool carrying bags, also from Guatemala for Donna & Carla.

The Don Quijote & Sancho Panza, which are wrapped in the shirts (careful), are for Jan. Watch out for Quijote’s spear, it would be easy to break.

There are 4 handbags; the 2 plain ones I intended for Merna & Marcia; the one with brown trim & shoulder strap for Mary, and the really simple woven one for Joyce. Tell them I won’t get mad if they swap. One thing though, the 2 necklaces made from coffee beans & other native fruits go with the simple woven bag since it was cheaper. Don’t remember where I put the necklaces, but you’ll find ‘um, hopefully in one piece.

The piece of hand-woven cloth from Guatemala is for Mom. (If the other women of the family like it & want some, I’ll take orders, ‘cause it’s not that expensive & I live only a half hour from the Guatemalan border.) Be careful, because there is a fragile shell necklace wrapped in the cloth. The lady at the market where I bought some of the stuff gave it to me special for my mother, so hope it don’t break in transit!

I got leather belts for Dad & David, the longer one being for Dad. Hope they fit, as I’m pretty skinny right now, I may have underestimated the waistlines of people eating good Wisconsin food!

Hope those trinkets get there in good shape. If so I may send some more stuff before I leave here. It’s pretty cheap sending stuff by boat, providing they arrive & in one piece!

I’m getting psyched up right now for Thanksgiving. We are going to have a big feast, with all the stuff us “gringos” eat for Thanksgiving. We’ve also got a touch football game planned between the rural (campo) PCVs {Peace Corps Volunteers} and the city PCVs, and will probably get in some volleyball, softball & basketball as well as “highball”. Do you realize I’ve only played with a football once in the last year, incredible!

Just got through with my annual medical checkup from Peace Corps. I have some protozoan swimming around in my intestines that the doctor gave me pills to kill. I also have round worms & will get wormed next time I’m in town {meaning San Salvador}. Other than that I’m O.K., no tuberculosis or malaria, although some friends tell me it looks like I’m starting to lose a little hair from taking malaria pills every week. I think they’re just kidding, but once the dry season starts, I’ll stop taking the pills since the danger of malaria is less then.

Saw a guy from Janesville {Wisconsin} off last week at the airport. He put in 2+ years in the same program I’m working with now & now he’s headed back to Wisconsin. Hopes to earn some money & buy a little farm. Maybe I’ll visit him when I get back.

Another Wisconsin guy leaves this week. He’s from Osseo and his father grows Christmas trees, so he’s been to Skyline {A local ski hill near my family’s farm.} (for some tree growers convention), and knows the Ginters { The Ginter family owned Skyline Ski Area and a farm near ours where they raised Christmas trees. }. I expect to see him some day as he’s going to be studying at UW-Madison {University of Wisconsin – Madison} next year & I plan to go back to school when I terminate with Peace Corps.

You meet some really fine people in Peace Corps, but they sure seem to come & go in a hurry! Will send you folks some pictures I’ve taken recently once I get done showing them around here. They include one of what’s left of the group I trained with.

Happy Thanksgiving,

Dean

Images, November, 1975

Working on the silo {at El Maizal demonstration farm}, taken from {the} ajonjolí (sesame) field.

Me with my beach bum tan, in front of some awful short & pathetic looking sorghum {at El Maizal}.

Old silo filler like Dad may remember. We used it yo fill our silo at El Maizal. The crop in the background is called ajonjolí and is the plant sesame seeds come from.

The three-quarters filled trench silo, before we put dirt on it. That's my water jug on the side, & the bare field below is where we cut the sorghum from.

Don Tin (short for Augustín) and Jay Hasheider, a fellow PCV {Peace Corps Volunteer} in the "comedor" {small restaurant} where we usually eat in Metalío. Don Tin is a real character, & has been all over El Salvador & Honduras working.

Peace Corps office in San Salvador. University students had painted the slogans before we moved in, so they aren't aimed at us especially. ANDES is a radical student organization, & UR-19 stands for 19 persecuted leftists in Uruguay.

Brand new market in the capital {San Salvador} into which hundreds of venders moved from the streets last summer.

Letter(2), October 24, 1975

Hi Jan,

You are fourth & last on my list of letters for tonight, so I’ve run out of fresh & clever things to say (as if I ever had any!). That book about the campaign in ’72 sounds interesting. I haven’t got the book you’re sending yet, but will sure find time to read it. Right now I’m reading my second book on the history & current political & economic situation in El Salvador. It’s really informative, but dense & thus slow going. Unlike the other {book}, it offers no historical solution to El Salvador’s present problems. However, it points to a cool headed & cold hearted ruling oligarchy of hacienda {farm} owners & industrialists, who very rationally manipulate the country’s politics (with help from the, so far, very cooperative army) to suit their interests. In a small country like this with no inaccessible “hideout” areas for guerillas, such a “marriage” between oligarchy & army could last a long time unless the army officer corps “radicalizes from within” such as happened in Peru & Portugal, and no one here is optimistic even about that.

Where did you come up with the name Jerusalem Cherry plant? I called those plants Christmas Candle plants, but Mom started calling the fruit cherries, & now you’ve derived a whole new name for the plant! Even if it is more appropriate, I refuse to accept it, but am glad to hear the plants are doing well!

Some day when I get my butt in gear I’m going to send Mom a piece of woven cloth I bought in Guatemala! If you like it I can get some for you & Joyce. It isn’t really expensive, & I will get up to Guatemala again when things aren’t so hectic. Really hope you make it down in February. We could run up to Chichicastenango, Guatemala on {a} Sunday for their big market day. They really have some beautiful stuff, though it is heavily visited by tourists so things aren’t so cheap.

I’m trying to get my sorghum chopped, & the silage made, but there is so much hassle involved! I guess whenever you have to depend on others in a job, instead of doing it yourself, it’s like that! God save me from being a manager of other people!

I really do incredibly little swimming in the ocean, but I did climb a coconut tree the day before yesterday (da-dá!). It was small, but it was a start. Went fishing in the ocean & a river mouth Monday night with some friends. It was just past full moon & beeeeeautiful, just like early morning. I went in just my undershorts, & nearly froze my butt off! I don’t see how Salvadorans sleep in hammocks without a blanket or anything. The difference between the boiling heat of day & the brisk nights is really noticeable now that I’m sort of acclimated here. We didn’t catch much fishing, but it was great to see how they throw the nets & all.

Wishing you well,

Dean

Letter, October 24, 1975

Dear Mom, Dad, & all,

Glad to hear things are going along on schedule there. I’m sure going to have a lot of catching up to do when I do get back up there, what with ya’ll changing cars and selling cows & replacing them, and the remaining family at home dwindling fast. I haven’t really pictured in my mind yet what Bruce would be like as a college student & he’s already well into his first semester (shucks I couldn’t even picture him as a highschool senior!)! [If you show this to him, I bet he’ll write me.]

Things are moving along here too. That sorghum we planted is ready to cut & the silo isn’t done yet (because my boss insisted on making it out of brick & that takes time). We plan to fill silo Tuesday if everything works out. We are going to use a chopper loaned by a government experiment station & make a demonstration out of it (hopefully). It’ll be a relief to get that silage made & get on to buying cows & building the milking setup! Things go so slow, but enough problems come up to make life hectic anyway!

Day before yesterday I finally succeeded in climbing a coconut tree! It was a short one, but my pride of accomplishment was not diminished! I drink quite a bit of coconut milk to boost the nutrient content of my diet. It quenches the thirst & comes in a vacuum sealed container untouched by human hands (extremely rare for food in El Salvador).

I rode my bike to Acajutla (18 kilometers) 3 weeks ago. You can really go distances on a 10 speed & it doesn’t wear you down because you shift down going uphill & take advantage of downhills by putting ‘er in high {gear} & pedaling like mad! Acajutla has modern port facilities & a few modern homes & the rest of the town looks like any other campo (rural) town, except for a disproportionate number of curtain-fronted bar doors & “street ladies”. The port used to use a lot of labor, but they have mechanized it all now, putting another section of the population out of work. They seem at times like they’re trying to take the industrial and export-farming sections of the country & make them just as modern & mechanized as the U.S. & Western Europe, and leave the peasant farmers, the unemployed & under-employed to fend for themselves (& there are a lot of them). I really don’t know what’ll come of it all.

We have pepinos (cucumbers) now at El Maizal and I’ve been eating my share. They put them in the freezer compartment of the refrigerator (peeled), then eat them half frozen with salt & lemon-squeezings on them. Pretty good, but hard on the teeth if you get a well frozen one! Tonight we had fried fish for supper (another PCV {Peace Corps Volunteer} & I bought it at the next town & the place we eat at fried it up) and boy was it good. I also get small shrimp from the marshes near the ocean at the place where I eat now & then. I’m really getting into seafood, great protein source!

Well take care,

Dean